So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
