Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
