if i can run in heels then i can drive
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
