she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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