I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
