Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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