i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
