the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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