Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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