his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
