smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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