if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
