he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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