I just threw up on my dentist
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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