the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
