please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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