I showed him my bush... on skype.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
