I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
