I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Even my vagina gasped.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
