I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Im part way to drunk.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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