just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
