Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
