he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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