dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
