U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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