She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I need to stop coming to work sober
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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