He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
