The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize