you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
