Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
