i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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