My room smells like vodka and shame
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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