it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
