no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
