is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
