So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
