So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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