3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
