He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
