I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
