You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
