two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
