Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
