So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
