just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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