Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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