Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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