I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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