We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
