I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
