First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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