took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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