I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize