The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
