some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
