We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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