I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just pee around me
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
