great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
