So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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