I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
