drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
