Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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