I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
