come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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