who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize