How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
